A Playwright

Today, I am a playwright.

The Play: One has-been wannabe and one also-ran wannabe
The Players: Mathatir (M) and LKY (L)


ACT I:
Mid-point at the causeway linking Malaysia and Singapore.

Scene I:
The two protagonists throwing brickbats at each other.

L: Since Malaysia’s independence you’ve marginalized the
Chinese to the extent that they no longer enjoy equal
educational opportunities.

M: What is the percentage of Malays studying in your universities?

L: We admit everyone on merit. No racial discrimination.
M: We give everyone credit. Those we admit, especially those
who are poorest in the country, we give all the help they need.
Can Singapore be as just and equitable a society as Malaysia?

L: Right! Just look at some of the products of your universities.
Half of your graduates do not even have the skills to work for
multinationals. They are good enough only to join the civil
service, almost exclusively Malay and not above corruption.
M: I graduated from your university, and let me tell you what I
think of your students. They are ball-less sycophants! Besides,
if your universities are so great, why did you and your children
have to go overseas for further studies?

L: NUS was rated 31st in the world by Newsweek. I doubt MU
even made it to the top 500!
M: Ya sure, but look at the composition of your student body.
At least 5% are from MY country. And what about the faculty?
Many are from Malaysia also.

L: That’s just it! Your brightest Chinese are ignored and rejected
in your country. Many flock to Singapore where they’re allowed
to shine.

M: You want them – you take them. Take them all! At no charge!
L: I’m a fair person, as you know, so I won’t take advantage of the
situation without giving you a corresponding benefit. I’m
willing to take your Chinese in exchange for all the Malays in
Singapore.

M: You get two and a half million Chinese; I get less than one
million Malays.
Oh well, I’ll let you win this time. (very sarcastically)

End of Scene II:
The two characters shake hands and go back to their own mainlands.



ACT II:
M’s in his car, ten minutes later.

Scene I:
M telephoning L.

M: (Speaking in a more conciliatory tone than usual.)
By the way, many of my supporters are pushing me to get you to issue a public apology about your statement about our Chinese compatriots.
So, are you going to apologise?
L: You do not apologise for the truth.

M: I don’t care what the truth it is. You keep your truth to your side of the border. (Getting increasingly agitated.)
I know a nasty truth or two about you, but I’ll keep that to myself, if you wanna play ball.
L: Go ahead, who will believe you? (Getting very irritated)
The world was at my feet in Singapore this past week. The IMF/World Bank delegates lapped up everything I said and had to say. I’m still king around here, y’know.

M: Don’t let a bit of praise get to your head. If you can show me that you have real influence with the Chinese in China, in Taiwan, and in Hongkong, then you can be rightfully proud. When you’re not totally accepted by your own, then there’s nothing to brag about. Even in Singapore, sources tell me a large majority of the people can’t wait to see you go. Bow out gracefully, lah, just like I did.
L: You keep your counsel to yourself, please. Anyway, what grace are you talking about? It’s more disgrace the way you’re trying to reenter the political arena where you couldn’t even get re-elected to represent your old constituency. And blaming your PM - whom you had chosen yourself - doesn’t it smack of very poor judgment on your part? Have you forgotten
already your boo-boo with that other deputy of yours? Have you ever stopped for a moment to reflect on your inability to bet on the right horse?

M: I stand for what is right. If it was my own son who had committed a grave error, I would not hesitate to chastise him.
I may have made mistakes myself, but I will never cover up.
L: What are you insinuating? That I cover up for my family and myself?

M: Sue me! (M slams down phone and laughs in disgust.)



ACT III:
Exchange of emails.

Scene I:
Office of L - L reads email addressed to M before sending it out.

“Dear M:

Blair has said in his farewell speech that all leaders have to go eventually. He’s such a gentleman and a good loser. After successfully leading the Labour Party for its longest stint in the British Parliament, he was able to keep his cool when calls kept coming in fast and furious for his resignation. He even joked about his rival running off with his crown but not with his wife.

Why can’t we be like Blair. After all, we both had an English education and have a high respect for British traditions. Why can’t we act like British gentlemen? When our time is up, let’s leave with a smile and wish our successors well.

In my case, I should be more than happy to retire to a private life, as my son is now the top honcho in Singapore and many of my relatives in powerful position as well. Tell me, when you stepped down, what was it that finally pushed you into it. As far as I know, your party and the country wanted you to continue in the leadership in Malaysia. What were the compelling reasons for your leaving?

I’ve said publicly that I’d continue as long as my constituency still elects me and the party faithful is not brave enough to request I relinquish the MM post. I don’t know how to bow out in good grace.

We understand each other, you and I. I’m sure you’re finding it very difficult to take a back seat in Malaysian politics. I don’t have any advice for you since I’m struggling to cling on to power and prestige in the light of a changed world. They’d have to carry me out struggling, but hopefully, not my feet first.

Your trying to make a comeback is laudable, even necessary, if your very sense of self and self-worth is to stay intact. I wish you every success.

Meantime, how about let’s scale down on public pronouncements of our mutual dislike? Bashing each other’s countries has been good for local politics, but as elder statesmen, we should look beyond that and work in cooperation. The destinies of Malaysia and Singapore are so intertwined we would be amiss, and judged unfavourably by history, in not subsuming our personal ambitions for the greater good of our twin countries.

As for your pet half-bridge to replace the causeway, let’s give it a time frame, say ten years, to build a full bridge, one beautiful enough to rival any in the world. Yes, the causeway remains a symbol of British colonialism, and an eyesore to boot; we do need something else to symbolise the independence and rise of our two countries.

Finally, I’d like you to know that the re-merger of Malaysia and Singapore is
one dream that I’ve not stopped habouring.

Best regards,

L"

Scene II:
M’s office at home.
M reads L’s email and goes ballistic.
He decides to rent his outrage in reply.

"My Dear L:

Your email makes me laugh!

Instead of apologising for making the ridiculous statement about the Chinese in Malaysia, you’ve chosen to seek sympathy from and camaraderie with me.

I don’t care if you hang on to your position until you become completely power-mad and blurringly senile. You’ve created the new Singapore, this I’ll concede, but you have nothing left to contribute to the state, let alone Asean and the rest of Asia. The world might have been at your feet at the recent IMF/World Bank meetings, but it was just a case of diplomats behaving correctly at the host’s residence. He’s a fool who takes a compliment for an
endorsement!

I’ve never considered you a friend, personal or otherwise. I have enough enemies and I certainly don’t need your kind of friendship. You’re too calculative to have any sincere feelings for others.

Habibi may be backsliding about his “red dot” label for Singapore. But as far as I am concerned, the red refers to the communist hierarchical structure of your government. As for the dot, well, that is exactly what it is – that tiny freak of your own imagination that seeks to roar as a lion. Beware, that which takes on too much to rule ends up being overthrown!

We don’t need you, as a friend, or as a neighbour. Do what you wish, say what you will, but the tiger in Malaysia is more real. It is regal, it is genteel; and it doesn’t seek to domineer. Nevertheless, when it comes to a fight.…………

M"

End of Act II:
The protagonists retreat to plot their next moves.


ACT IV:
At the causeway, or what’s left of it.

Scene I:
The Malaysian side of the causeway has been dynamited and collapses into the Johor Strait. Politicians and police amass on both sides in disbelief. Thousands of onlookers are less sanguine about what’s happened.
M is howling with amazement and unconcealed glee;
L is seething with rage and crying unabashedly…


L: (Speaking to himself, while inspecting the collapsed causeway.)
I should have given in to M! I should have agreed to demolish the causeway and build a bridge to replace it. Looks like
there’s no choice now. I’ll have to stop laughing at the scenic half-bridge as I’m looking now at a more un-scenic half-causeway.
Have my arrogance and intransigence finally done me in!

M: (Cannot contain his disgust at his opposing number,
but displaying great satisfaction at the free flowing water
on the JB side of the causeway.
Cheekily waves to L across the water.)

There’s no need for me to tell you I told you so. You told me off enough times to tell me you have much need to repent. The religion you believe in, one-upmanship anprosper-only-thyself - see if that redeems you now.
(Becomes suddenly altruistic.)
You’ve never believed in or accepted my goodness, but I will pray to Allah to forgive you. As there’re no olive trees here,
I’ll offer you a pandan leaf in final friendship. It’s time we both sailed off to meet our maker. I would need you there with me to relieve the boredom. Say whatever they like, they won’t be able to convince me you’re not a worthy sparring partner.

L: (Listening but not hearing.)
Drag me wherever you want but I’m not ready to leave just yet. Singapore still needs me. On top of that, there’re the reserves that need taking care of. I don’t trust anyone not to squander them away after I’m gone.

M: For God’s sake! Either bring all the money along or spend it (like I did) to build a few grandiose monuments in your memory. This way you don’t ever have to leave. And if in forty years’ time, should they tear down your statue in rebellion, well, my dear L, you’d have built yourself another little dotdom in the other world. So, let’s get going!

L: (Sighs the longest sigh.)
Why can’t I see the light? Why can’t I be enlightened?
But, what’s this terrible rumbling …


Scene II:

A thousand-kilometre fissure at the bottom of the ocean alongside
Batam and Bintan opened up into grand canyons causing the two islands
to cave in under the waters. The resulting tidal waves have submerged
Singapore’s coastal areas, including the two financial districts, after washing away what was left of the causeway.
The deluge threatens to engulf the entire island.

L: Save me! Save me! My dearest friend! My beloved neighbour!


Curtain.

The Pope

Today, I have to be the Pope.

Latest news: “Three Christians executed by firing squad in Indonesia for rioting against Muslims and burning their mosques."

I’m outraged that my fellow Jesus-lovers should be persecuted and prosecuted for their work against heretics. Yes, I consider as non-believers all non-Jesus loving people, including and especially Muslims, no matter how great they think their “God” is.

I’m so glad I came out recently against their prophet in quoting 14th-century Byzantine Emperor Manuel: “Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.”

So you see, Christians have for a thousand years fought against the intrusion of Islam. There’s no point anymore in being acquiescent or accommodative toward other so-called religions, chief of which is “Islam which cannot be trusted to incorporate any reason to discipline simply because a significant part of that religion does not have the capacity to be self-critical.” If it’s total faith, then the blind execution of fatwas of violent jihads or holy wars against others becomes a condition of Allah’s acceptance. God is supposed to be, nay is definitely, a figure of love and that’s what that makes Christianity the only religion for all mankind.

As Islam is all faith and no reason, then Christianity must prevail because it has both faith and reason. Not to mention better technology. If war is what they understand and want, then with greater conviction, higher rationality and war collateral that are more superior, we will overcome.

Don’t believe a word from my “apology” or explanation about my recent lecture at the University of Regensburg in Germany. It was not my intention to openly offend the sensibilities of the Muslim faithful, but what I said was a clear rejection of the religious motivation for violence. Here I have to admit to having a selective memory in not recalling the Crusades that were the most belligerent religious movement in history. I know religion, any religion, can be manipulated and perverted to evil ends. Faced with challenges (from other faiths), any religion would be worth less its prayer if it did not rise to defend its holy territory. It makes it much easier now for me to further advocate, or at least condone, violence by Christians against Muslims. If they burn our churches, we burn their mosques; if they kill us, we kill them.

In reality, I’m saddened by the decline of Christian vigour in the Western world. Catholicism has suffered more declining believers than the Protestant sects. Regrettably, Islam now counts more faithful worldwide than even when Christianity was at its prominence.

Before I became Pope, I had written “Truth and Tolerance” in which I said “religion demands the making of distinctions, distinctions between different forms of religion and distinction within a religion itself, so as to find the way to its higher points.” What was I saying? It all seems like hogwash. I had advocated for “an Islamic reformation in which the young would be made to understand faith through critical thinking, which should push the forces of violence away from its core values.” There was much hypocrisy and blind-sightedness in that statement because it was the very critical dissecting of Catholic doctrines that has led to the mass exodus from the faith, first to Protestantism then to atheism. I am totally lost for new ideas to win back the lost flock.

There is, however, some hope on the horizon – in China, where sons of Abraham are increasingly filling the spiritual vacuum brought about by Communism. I’d pray to go to China to find out if this is a true renaissance of the Christian faith or an erstwhile suppressed people searching to experiment with anything foreign or exotic. The Chinese have traditionally been idol worshippers that no atheist totalitarianism or fervent exclusive religiosity could change so easily.

I have a secret worship of my own of the Chinese belief in many gods, with no one supreme being. Logically, how could there be just one creator and ruler considering how big and diverse the universe is? The world is just a dot in space, but look at the multiplicity and complexity of the conflicts found within it. God cannot even manage the tiny dot’s affairs; forget the rest of the universe. It makes a lot of sense to have many gods within each religion. Better still, let’s have many religions. This way, every aspect of life will be taken care of.

For example, the Chinese farmer prays to the god of harvest, who rewards him with a bountiful crop if seen fit. The Chinese housewife makes offerings to the kitchen god in return for assurance of adequate food to feed her family. The Chinese feed and entertain the ghosts unleashed upon earth by the god of hell during the Seventh Moon. The appeased ghosts go back happy to purgatory and create less havoc for its keepers that in turn leave the not-yet-dead in peace for another year.

Such charming practical customs and traditions: specialised gods with specific responsibilities administering to particular congregations. You go where your needs are likely to be heard and fulfilled. And if one god is deaf to your beseeching, there are others on whom to indulge your sacrifices. You could not possibly exhaust the array of heavenly help lines available. If you feel completely hopeless, well, don’t we all get rejected at one time and dejected at another? No point turning to God, because he does not have a care. If he did, he would not have allowed all the human suffering in the world.

Same story in India. A thousand deities for a thousand purposes. There’s a shiva out there to fill your every spiritual or emotional emptiness. It may be a he or a she – such sexual equality! If only Christianity could have female popes, Islam female imams and Judaism female rabbis, half of the world’s problems would receive empathetic hearing and airing. Hinduism is sexually egalitarian and its faithful truly grateful. It is conducted as human affairs should be, with a well-run organization of disparate departments, each with designated activities and responsibilities, and manned (womanned as well) by the most capable.

The “religious” systems of multiple idolatry affiliations seem to be flourishing in China and India, witness the rise and rise of these two countries and their burgeoning populations. God favours those who do right by themselves. I may not know what I believe any more but what I see in these nations is the emergent state of Asian doing and, more ominously, thinking.

I’m too old to initiate any major religious changes; I’m too bold only to create minor intellectual waves. Only to be offensive at the same time. That leaves me, Pope Benedict XVI, the Morally Bankrupt.

So don’t expect me to throw any more enlightenment on the execution in Indonesia. As for fighting back, don’t read my lips; listen to my next lecture at some obscure European university.