PM of Malaysia

Aug 1, 2006

Today, I want to be Prime Minister of Malaysia: Abdullah Badawi.

A few days ago, I came up with an ambitious plan to make Johor Baru, the boomtown just across the Johor Strait from Singapore, the new Hong Kong. It’ll cost billions of ringgit but that’s only a small consideration if Johor Baru could truly become a competitor to its greater neighbor to the south. In any case, most of the developmental works will go to my favored contractors, the “indigenous” people. It hastens up on the projects as no cumbersome tenders, hence no competition, are required. No matter how inefficient they may turn out to be, the contractors will source all materials locally and hire many workers. Everyone will benefit from the infrastructure expenditure because of its multiplier effect on the economy. Johor Baru, I may soon have to change your name to Hong Baru.

That’s all for public consumption, of course. I know deep down that JB (the shortened name for Johor Baru) could never be a HK (also a shortened name, though more universally recognizable). Building physical assets is one thing and is easily achievable given the time and resources that Malaysia has in abundance. It is not as easy to tweak the culture and ethic of the people to ensure that those who build-and-operate these projects will do so in the best of practices. If you have passed through JB immigration recently, you’ll know what I mean. At best, the process is efficient; but often the service is unfriendly and sometimes outright arrogant and hostile. You won’t get that kind of welcome when first arriving in HK. But then how would the locals ever know the difference since 99.99% of the “indigenous” people would never have been to HK to appreciate what a different world that city is compared to JB, now and what it could ever be. Then again, in their ignorance they will swallow it with greater delusion of their own capabilities.

I sincerely believe that the “indigenous” people are naturally friendly and caring. But I do have to admit that that affection is directed only at our own kind. People less “indigenous” are not deserving of this treatment. Besides, the “immigrants” do not have the right religion, so how can they ever hope to receive the blessing? Selective behavior of, by and for the select group, that’s the way to go. And if that select group is in the majority, can you get anymore democratic! I’m sure to get Bush’s support on that score. Should he ever be persuaded to come for a visit, we’ll make an exception of his “aberrant” background to show him amble affirmation of Malaysia’s hospitality.

This is going to endear me no end to my ex-sponsor, who was tragically pepper-sprayed lately. I’m not sure how and why it happened, but I do know I have to upend him in the mega-projects arena to get back into his good graces. He’ll be pleased to know that I’m planning hard for ever larger programs to upgrade our “indigenous” lot.